I swear this year is galloping faster than any of its predecessors!

I don’t have much to talk about because not much has really happened in my super exciting world. I’ve started several knitting and crochet projects because I’m struggling to settle to anything. I’ve had Death in Paradise and Beyond Paradise playing constantly on my computer, sometimes watching and sometimes just as background noise for Mia. She doesn’t seem to like silence if she’s left alone in my room, even if I’m just in the next room. She gets stressed easily and has lost a bit of fur so I’m trying to put her at ease.

Ry is doing well at his job. He’s already been there five weeks! Again, it seems to have flown.

Anyway, I just thought I should post something. Talking for the sake of it!

It was Easter Sunday. We’d just landed back at the airport after a three week holiday in South Africa, visiting my aunt, uncle and cousin who lived there. That was definitely the holiday of a lifetime and, as I’m writing this, was actually the last holiday abroad that I had.

These days I’m not that bothered about going to other countries. Sure, there’s a lot of places I’d love to see but I’m not that excited by the travel and all the expense. I wouldn’t mind a holiday somewhere in the UK though. Can’t see it happening any time soon though as there’s no-one to look after the cats – unless I go on holiday alone, and that doesn’t appeal either. I like to share experiences with real people. The whole post-it-all-on-social-media thing doesn’t appeal either. I find it a lot of hassle uploading photos because of storage options. Maybe I’m just not that interested in detached “connections”.

Anyway, I’m just having a bit of a grumpy day because I’ve just been paid and I’ve got almost nothing left after paying the bills… £16 to last the month. I’m just so sick of pinching and scraping. I don’t even have the option to increase my income so, yea, just feeling more than “down” today.

Add to that the fact that my iPad just froze and I had to faff around trying to find a solution and I’m thinking going back to bed seems like a cracking idea right now 🙄

I can still see it like it was yesterday. Picture the scene if you will…

My sister and her friends (all older than me) took me to one of our local nightclubs. Friends’ idea, sister wasn’t keen… It was called Oceans and was hidden in the murky depths of the bus station in the centre of town. You were supposed to be 21+ to gain entry (I was 18) but the bouncers knew most of the friends so didn’t ask questions.

Once inside you had to go upstairs to the dance floor. There were, I think, four bars and a place where you could get food ordered from any of the bars. In the middle of the room was the DJ desk and dance floor. There was quite a lot of seating and some slot machines around the edges of the room and between bars. The carpet was, as you’d expect, sticky from all the spilt food and drinks.

I loved that the music was loud and you could feel it rattling your rib cage. Too loud to hear what anyone was saying. But I wasn’t there to talk or socialise. I just wanted the music and the atmosphere. And maybe a drink or four.

My sister hovered between me and her friend group who were the other side of the room. She was chatting with a guy when all of a sudden they came over to where I was dancing. Sister leaned in and hollered that she’d spotted her fiancé across another corner of the room. He was with his friends.

I think it startled sister as this was not her bloke’s scene at all so coercion from his friends must have taken place somewhere earlier in the evening.

She thrust the bloke she’d been talking to in my direction with the instruction that, “If he sees me, you’re with her, alright?” No introductions, no names just – have him and don’t involve me or I’m in deep trouble with fiancé.

And that’s how and where I got my first boyfriend. It turned out that he’d spent all evening with sister the previous week, finally delivering her home in the wee smalls with her knickers in her handbag!

Sister was so embarrassed that the bloke and I hit it off and started dating. Mum couldn’t work out why sis was avoiding me so after a couple of weeks I spilled the beans to Mum about what had gone on between them. She wasn’t surprised and we just let it drop. Clearly it bothered sis more than the rest of us but then she probably felt guilty about cheating on her fiancé and was worried we’d say something to him.

That was never going to happen from me. The bloke rarely ever spoke to me so there were no opportunities to gossip, besides, she was my sister so I wasn’t going to give away her secrets. I found out a few years later, when I ended up helping the bloke at his business (he was a self-employed upholsterer and I was a sewing machinist) that the reason he avoided me was because he wanted to get his hands on me. Er… awkward! No thanks mate, I don’t work like that.

Anyway, M and I dated for a few weeks and then got engaged on June 30th, 1984 (he wanted sex and I was holding out for a commitment). The whole sex thing was a proper disappointment but I hadn’t known what to expect and I’d had romantic ideas of how it should be. Sadly it just wasn’t.

By the end of 1984 things were getting a bit stale. His mother took a dislike to me and then his sister followed suit. My crime? Being honest.

Christmas came and went with no visit… he could drive, I couldn’t. We’d had a little bit of snow and he didn’t feel like venturing out. April rolled around and we sort of halfheartedly celebrated our one year anniversary. Then, two weeks later on the 27th, totally out of the blue, he showed up at my workplace one lunchtime to take me out. I thought he was going to propose. Instead he handed me the ring I’d bought him and told me it was over. No real explanation other than I’d apparently said something about him to his mother which she didn’t like and she’d gone on to get into his head about dumping me.

So he did. And that was that. It is an understatement to say I was devastated, broken, even. I’m not proud of myself but I spent the next month turning up at places I knew he’d be, trying to find a reason for his sudden termination of not only our relationship but all communication.

After those few weeks I resigned myself to the fact that he’d started seeing someone else and it was truly over. I thought about him a lot over the next six years and then, one day I bumped into him. It was a few weeks after my car accident in 1990. He suggested we go for a drink and a catchup. Deep down I had loved him so deeply and was convinced that I still did.

After a couple of drinks he took me back to his place, the inevitable happened and then he took a shower. I had never felt so used. He couldn’t wait to get me out of the house!

He dropped me off where he’d picked me up and I haven’t seen him since. I’ve thought about him and his family over the years (at one point I worked in the same company as his dad). But I am glad we had that last evening together because that was when I finally realised that he’d never truly loved me. I got the closure I needed.

There have been a few relationships since, including two marriages and divorces as well as 12 years with a full on narcissist. All of them are the reason I’m single and feeling like I couldn’t trust a bloke as far as I could throw him. I feel sad because I don’t want to be alone but I also don’t want to be used anymore. Which means I fit nicely into crazy cat lady territory… just don’t tell the cats!

Well, to be honest, I would. Just maybe not some of the ones I’ve got at the moment. In particular, Maggie. She’s one of our oldest cats at the grand old age of 4 years old. And she is so cute that we call her squirrel because she’s tiny. But here’s the rub – she’s so vicious where Mia is concerned. Mia is also tiny. She’s almost two years old and so cute. And very loving. She upsets no other cat, and prefers to run the other way rather than engage in fighting.

Maggie, on the other hand, pretends to be nice but I’ve never known a cat to be so spiteful. And jealous.

Normally Mia is in my room with me. We’ve had the door closed because two of our other female cats seem to dislike Mia for no apparent reason as well. Probably jealousy if I’m honest but they’ve really got no beef with her and she’s never given them cause to have.

Since Ryan and B came back from their holiday, Maggie has been a handful. And because I don’t like being antisocial, my door has been open this evening. I was across the landing talking to Ry, Felix was on my shoulders having a ‘cuddle’ and all of a sudden there was a massive cat fight. Several cats ran and I shouted to Maggie to get out of my room. She disappeared downstairs so I asked Ry to cage her. We have a big metal dog cage in the living room for such occasions as anyone needs jail time. And when I say anyone, I really mean Maggie!

So now Maggie is in jail, we can start to clean up. B and I come into my room with the initial idea of checking to see if Mia is alright. Clearly she isn’t as there’s blood on her ears. And the furniture. And the windowsill. And the windows! B started to clear up the blood then had to leave the room as she started to feel queasy. And then, after making it to the bathroom, promptly threw up. I feel bad about this as I forgot blood has this effect on her, poor girl.

Mia shot into the airing cupboard when Ry came in to see what all the fuss was about, and saw blood all over the place. He went to get some wipes to clean it up. In the meantime, Mia came back out of the airing cupboard and let me look at her wounds. Her ears are damaged and bleeding. She shook her head and covered the area, including my face, with blood spatters.

After cleaning all that up, Ry put some antiseptic cream on the wounds I’d sustained when Felix got scared and shot off my shoulders with force, using all his claws to aid his escape. So I’m scratched up, Mia is scratched up, B has thrown up and Ry behaved like a grown up – by not adding to the puke pile and dealing with the blood.

Things have calmed down a lot now as it’s about half an hour ago this happened. Mia has had some treat biscuits and is currently sitting on the windowsill having a wash. B is playing word games on her phone, Ryan is getting us all hot drinks and I’m sat here writing this – I know, you’d never have guessed that would you?

I don’t really know what to do with Maggie long term. Over the last couple of years she’s got into so much trouble with peeing on things and one time she even pooped in my bed. And the only reason we can find for this is jealousy, since she’s one of those needy types. But I can’t – I won’t – have her keep picking fights with Mia.

And I’ve just remembered that I had to tell her off last night for attacking Shadow – another tiny cat – so it’s just a nasty habit and she can’t seem to help herself. Jail time doesn’t seem to deter her for long either so, yea, I’m at a total loss on what to do with her now. Maybe she’s one of those cats that just needs to be the only one in a household. I don’t know how many more chances I can give her. She’s not like it every day so it’s easy to forget how spiteful she is when she’s giving me cute looks.

Definitely a conundrum!

Ok so I’m not really home alone, I’ve got 13 cats for company – if you can call it that. When I say in my bio that I’m a cat referee, that’s not far from the truth. Although, if I’m honest, it’s been quite the opposite for the past week. They’re all moping about because they’ve only got one hoomin and none of them seem like their normal selves.

Ry and B are on holiday you see. It’s been a weird week for me. In fact, I haven’t been out of the house since last Thursday. Part of it is that I don’t really have anywhere to go anymore, plus I don’t have any money to go places. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to get a life. I used to have one, of sorts, but circumstances beyond my control have changed everything.

I’m ok being on my own but I do miss having someone to share things with. That really hit home with me the day Ry passed his driving test. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I stood outside the car while he sat inside speaking to his insurance company and thought, “I should tell…” And then it hit me. I only had one person to tell and he already knew because he’d just passed his test.

Since then, I’ve found that I don’t really have any need for a car. It’s just sitting outside, getting damaged by neighbours behaving like arseholes, and basically rotting where it stands. This does sadden me because it’s costing a fortune each month to just sit there. I really need to change this but I don’t know how or where to start. Shame really. Still, I’m hoping it won’t always be this way.

My trouble is that, while I’m ok being on my own, I don’t really enjoy it. And I don’t enjoy doing things and going places on my own. I think getting older and being a bit more vulnerable plays a big part in that as well. I feel safer going out with someone rather than alone. I don’t know if that’s just a sad reflection on society these days though. I don’t read news much anymore because the media is irresponsible in its so called reporting. They sensationalise crimes and love stoking fear so more of these unbalanced individuals copycat the crimes because they think they’ll be heroes. Sadly Covid gets the blame for all this but I don’t believe it was just down to that and the lockdowns. It’s been going bad for decades now. The social experiment has failed.

Anyway, I haven’t done much with my alone time. I just don’t feel like doing anything. Obviously running around taking care of the cats is one thing but I can’t bring myself to do anything constructive. I did try a bit of crochet last night and ended up with hives all over my right arm. I’m told this stems from overuse of muscles… no idea on that one since I didn’t really do much but if it’s going to cause these issues then I’m not inclined to bother.

Clearly my keyboard has had enough of me today as it’s just died so I need to put that on charge. Maybe tomorrow will be better 🤷‍♀️

At around 5am on this day 20 years ago, I got the phone call I’d been dreading. It was the care home letting me know that my Mum was very close to passing away.

I remember the rush to get dressed, get Ryan up and dash the 15 miles to the home, hoping and praying that my car didn’t die before Mum did. The car had been playing up a lot in those recent months and I’d been left stranded more than once while the temperamental beast had one of its fits.

That morning, by some miracle, it behaved and we got to the care home in time. I called my sister to let her know, and then called our dad’s brother as he’d been there for Mum a couple of times since dad died in 1978.

Carol came a little bit later, without her kids. And then a couple of hours later John (uncle) turned up. We all sat with Mum, chatting away while she struggled to breathe, just trying to keep upbeat since they reckon that one of the last senses to go before death is hearing. I don’t know if that’s true but we wanted her to hear that she was free to pass and we’d be okay.

That was her big worry… whether we’d be okay. I know she worried a lot about me and how I would cope. She had been there my whole life, supporting me through all the troubles I had, and she stepped up as second parent when Ryan’s father bailed out on us. Mum held a huge place in Ryan’s life and that’s why I felt it was appropriate for him to be with us on that morning.

At around 9.45am, the nurses came in to give Mum a freshen up and change her bed sheets so we all decanted to a family room where we played games. At this point John left with a request to let him know how the day went. Carol, Ryan and I played a few different games and about half an hour later, the nurse came to tell us we could go back to Mum. She said to finish our game first as she could see Ryan was happy at that point.

Before we’d finished whatever game it was we were playing, the nurse came in again to tell us that Mum had gone. We immediately dropped everything and rushed back to the room.

Mum had, indeed, passed. I felt a sickness like I’ve never felt before. We’d been there, down the corridor, in view of her room… and she’d passed without us by her side. I think she would have wanted to spare us that final moment because it would have been really upsetting and she didn’t want to leave us that way. I can remember the scene now like it was yesterday…

She laid there looking really peaceful, and our little elephant, Winks, was sitting on the bed with her – placed by the nurses. Teddy was on the arm of the chair at the end of the bed. I walked over to Mum, gave her a kiss on the forehead and stroked her hair. Ryan went round the other side of the bed and just looked at her. Carol looked but didn’t get too close. Then we all had a hug and cried. It seemed almost surreal. End of an era and life would never be the same again.

I still miss Mum so much. It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years since that day. So much has happened that I’ve shared with her silently. I still have Teddy and Winks, they look after Annie now. I hope Annie found Mum, they’d be a good fit. I miss them both!

As this day dawns, my heart is heavy and I feel sad all over again. I don’t know why but I’m guessing it’s because 20 is a round number and also almost a third of my life so far. I am choked and teary, and currently alone (with Mia kitty in my room and 12 other cats around the house). Ryan is with B and her family and he’s got his own crap going on right now with work. I’ll post about that another day; for now, today is about remembering our dear Mum and Nan. I truly hope she is resting in peace.

Someone’s having a bad start to their day. Probably not the only one either. I mean our Frankie didn’t have a very good start today. Silly moggy managed to get his curious head stuck in a carrier bag handle and ended up charging around the house like a mad thing trying to free himself from it. Of course, the end result was a herd of cats bursting into my bedroom, spitting and swearing in a blind panic as the bag tore off down the stairs and back up, then back down again and disappeared.

I eventually located him, hiding under the stairs, still using the bag as a tortoise shell! I managed to gently coax him out but he was a bit jumpy and tried to run away. I had to talk him down from the precipice, as it were. A couple of twists of the bag was all it took to free him, at which point he went straight into the kitchen window to be confronted by closed curtains he couldn’t find the gap in – because he was sitting on them. With a tail like a flue brush. Basil Brush would’ve been proud!

I’ve had an eventful night really. First of all Mia decided to wee on my chair while I was out of the room. I didn’t notice until I had to get up to do something and realised my jeans were stuck to the back of my leg. I sat down again and felt the wet patch even more. So I got up and the colour of the chair had changed. The chair, I hasten to add, is vinyl with some little bits of fabric and mesh. How she managed to miss the vinyl I don’t know but she definitely got me there. That’s a new one on me anyway, she’s not known for doing that. Maggie? Yes. But not Mia. Oh well, I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to keep an eye on.

I have been cutting up fabrics again overnight. I’ve reclaimed more than a black bin bag full so far and I’ve got loads more to go. I just thought I’d have a break, go scatty looking for a towel (they’re all buried in Ryan’s room and he’s away) and maybe wash my hair. I eventually found a towel and I’ve done my hair – yay! Go me!

Once I’ve combed the hair and cleaned my ears, I suppose I’ll have to get back to it. I can’t find my bed at the moment and I’m fairly sure I’m going to want to get in it at some point today. As I said, Ryan is away as he’s got a couple of days off work so he’s spending most of it with his fiancée at her house. Which may or may not be fun since he isn’t getting along with her mother at the moment. Not surprising really since she keeps having a go at him despite being told to stop. I’m guessing things weren’t that bad last night as he didn’t come home so they must be tolerating each other. Rather him than me! They’ll be back here on Friday morning as it’s my birthday and anyway, the arrangement is Friday, Saturday and Sunday here, even though Ryan has to work at least one of those days, sometimes two. It just depends on his roster which he doesn’t get until sometime on Saturdays.

I’ve currently got his work clothing going around in both washing machine and tumble dryer so I’m up and down the stairs like a fart in a lift, trying to get as much done on the cheap electric (Economy 7) as I can. And still it’s eating through it at a rate of knots! It takes me ages to get up and down the stairs and I can only lift small amounts so I don’t get as much done as I’d like but I’ll get there eventually. Might as well try to do it while I still can. Fibromyalgia has no cure at the moment so it’s only likely to get worse over time. And I don’t want to get to that stage anytime soon. At least I won’t have the regrets of not doing things while I could. I’m not quite ready for the scrap heap just yet thank you very much!

Now, be off with you, I’ve got some slashing to do! 😂

I was going to leave writing this until later but chances are that if I do I’ll have to re-read everything I wrote before so I don’t keep repeating myself. I’m a bit prone to that sometimes. It’s because I just empty my head through my fingers and don’t pay much attention to what I’m writing. I do read through my posts to check for spelling or punctuation errors. I know I’m not perfect there, or with correct grammar, but it’s good enough for me that it’s written how I’d say it.

So… prior to all the brown stuff hitting the whirly thing yesterday, Ryan was showing me some stuff he picked up today. It’s all recycled stuff we can make use of, mainly fabrics that would otherwise be thrown into landfill. It is, in all honesty, quite amazing what people get rid of because it’s no longer in favour. Myself and B will be upcycling the fabrics into projects which will keep us busy. I’m intending to do more patchwork in the near future. The weather gets a bit too warm in the summer months for blankets so I turn to the patchwork because it’s cooler to work on. I have one or two projects in mind but no firm plans yet, other than to finish the hexagon quilt I started back in lockdown 2020. I’ve got a lot of pieces cut out but need to free up some of the template shapes before I can complete the next rounds. There are a lot of shapes in the next few rounds as I got a bit ahead of my abilities but I think I can make it work. Then all I’ll have to do is buy some quilt batting and work out how I’m going to quilt it by hand. I do now have plenty of plain fabric for the lining and lots of different fabrics to choose from for the backing. After that, all that remains is the binding – I’m starting to think that’ll be the easy bit.

I have been having some issues getting any crochet done. Mia has taken to sitting in my room and she just loves attention, so much so that she’ll happily sit behind me and shout at me until I pay attention. This goes on for a while several times a day so I’m not actually getting much of anything done really. But I’m glad she likes being in here with me, I really hated shutting her in the bathroom on her own. She doesn’t seem to mind being on her own in my room as she can look out of the window or just curl up on the quilt and sleep without fear of being attacked by Maggie or Willow.

Now, I really should be getting on with some fabric reclaiming because the piles are mounting. Currently standing at five black bin bags washed and ready for cutting and about fifteen more waiting to be sorted and washed/dried. I can only cut up a few items at a time though as I end up with blisters from my scissors. I don’t have a lot of room to manoeuvre some of the items so it can be a challenge but it yields so much coordinated fabric that it’s worth the effort.

One surprise item in today’s selection was a crystal wand. It’s absolutely beautiful. Moonstone and sterling silver details. I honestly cannot imagine why someone would throw away such an item! When Ryan handed it to me it looked like a dull grey stone with black speckles but as I held it and looked it over, the rainbows started to appear and I started getting goosebumps. I talk to things and I just kept thinking how beautifully made it was, what lovely smooth crystals and how nice it felt in my hands. I talked to Ryan while holding the wand and when I looked down the wand was really starting to come alive. I’ve noticed crystals respond to positivity and negativity. When they’re happy they sparkle and shine. When they’re unhappy they tend to be dull and lifeless. They are living things and, as such, need to be treated with as much love and respect as Mother Nature herself. The silver parts of the wand could do with a proper clean but I couldn’t lay hands on my silver polishing cloth so I’ll have to look for it another time. A rare and beautiful find which is currently resting in a drawer with a good few other crystals. I’ll try to get some photos at some point. In the meantime… here’s a sunrise!

I’ve been meaning to write for about a week now. Time just seems to escape me. The older I get, the quicker time seems to fly. Mum always said it seems to go faster once you’re past 21. She wasn’t wrong!

Things had been going reasonably well for Ryan with his new fiancée, in fact they still are, I’m assuming… He was on a video call to her this evening when her mother decided to send my son a message on facebook basically trying to guilt him into doing what she wants re: their wedding. Now, I don’t mind telling you, there’s a whole heap of shit going on there!

Firstly, the girlfriend’s sister is getting married this year, and the parents have told the girlfriend that she’s got to wait two years after her sister’s wedding before she can get married. And it must be in church. And she has to wear mother’s wedding dress (which she absolutely hates if I’m honest about it). All of this wouldn’t be so bad but the sister is two years younger than the girlfriend who I’ll just refer to as “B” from here on in as the whole girlfriend/fiancée thing could get confusing. Anyway, I don’t think that’s fair on B as, being older, her child-bearing years are ahead of her sister’s (R) and making her wait could be the difference between having kids and not, or having complications which would have been avoided.

B’s father, M, casually suggested that they run off to Gretna Green – which they’re seriously considering due to mother’s (J) behaviour lately. Now J is trying to guilt Ryan into feeling bad about that register office wedding idea – well, he just blew up at her tonight. And deservedly so in my opinion. The woman seems to spout Christianity and yet behaves in the most unchristian manner possible! I don’t recall anyone mentioning how she goes to church every week but she’s capable of going out shopping and to her craft evenings.

Since Ryan has been visiting their house, and sometimes staying over, he has cleared and cleaned and waited on mother hand and foot – and she’s let him. And, it seems, that behind his back she has been criticising him in a rather nasty fashion. So the argument today came as no surprise. She’s been trying to bully B into staying at home and even going so far as to say that when she’s retirement age (currently 50) they can all move away to somewhere better. Well, by the time she’s retirement age, B will be into her forties! How unfair and, frankly, unrealistic is that? I despair.

Mother subsequently turned on the old waterworks – which never work on men do they? Ryan snapped. He wasn’t really rude or nasty, he just told her to save it because he’s not interested. Fair enough. And then she blocked him on messenger which I’m really glad about. She doesn’t seem capable of appropriate behaviour. I told him yesterday that the way she keeps contacting him behind B’s back is not really right. Of course it’s right to maintain a social connection, as I do with B, but I don’t go running to her when something happens between them that I don’t agree with. That’s partly because Ryan thinks a lot like I do – as in, we’re on the same wavelength. I don’t tell him what to think, he makes up his own mind.

Of course, this led to Ryan getting angry and B getting upset. M seemed a bit more calm about it all and J can just go and do one as far as I’m concerned. Some time in the last week she has implied that Ryan would be aggressive to B and would hurt her physically – just because he’s got a bit of a temper. I mean, the two just don’t equate. Yes, he knows he’s got an anger issue (thanks to his father) but he also knows how to deal with it and it never, I repeat, NEVER results in anyone getting physically hurt. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t tolerate her talking about me like that* and I would likely want to slap her. Which is why it’s probably best if I don’t actually meet her. I know I wouldn’t be able to contain my anger at her ridiculous assumptions. She has barely bothered to get to know my son, beyond him running around after her at her whim.

Needless to say the video call ended abruptly. I don’t know how B is feeling. They’re her family so she must deal with them since she’s living under their roof. And I do feel for her. I’ve been under that roof and I can tell you it’s no picnic! The parents should be thoroughly ashamed for the environment they’re expecting their daughter to live in*.

B has been staying here for a few days and she’s lovely to have around. She’s kind, thoughtful and capable. And she’s got a lovely giggly nature. She’s calm and not at all argumentative. I don’t mind telling you, she’s like a breath of fresh air around the place. And she makes Ryan happy. Her family – well, really just her mother – make everyone’s life a misery – including mine (and I’ve only seen her on video call). I’ve met her dad. He seems quite laid back and loves jokes. He cooks good food but never clears up after himself. He works so probably expects the women of the house to do stuff while he’s out. B tries but J uses her illness (MS) to get out of doing anything she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t really do anything for herself (probably why she’s being the way she is with B since she has to do it all) unless it’s something she wants to do. She’s capable of going to concerts and, as mentioned, going shopping and socialising in other ways but does nothing around the house. B tries her best but, since she met Ryan, has realised there’s more to life than looking after someone who could, but won’t, do things for herself.

I have my own issues to deal with health-wise. B was brilliant when we went out shopping and I needed to go to the loo. I’ve been having a fibromyalgia flare up this week so I’m a bit clumsy and wobbly. She walked with me, supporting me and she didn’t have to do that. I didn’t ask for her help but she offered it and I accepted. She also took charge when one of our cats misjudged his landing and basically tore my hand open with his claws. I found out afterwards that she doesn’t deal too well with blood but I wouldn’t have known by the selfless way she helped me get it cleaned up – and even put the healing ointment on it for me.

As I said, she’s a lovely girl who’s had a pretty rotten life so far by all accounts. Sister is the golden child – and it shows! It’s very sad to see them being treated so differently. She’s got a good heart and a fantastic personality. Her mother said, this evening, that if she went ahead and got married in a register office, she would refuse to call B her daughter any more. I mean, REALLY? Just how nasty and controlling can you get? B definitely deserves better than that! And she gets treated better here, by me as well as Ryan. So much so that we joked we’d need a truck load of Vaseline to get her back into the car to go home. She’s even called our house “home” and that, I don’t mind telling you, means a lot to me. I’m glad she feels comfortable being here. It’s a respite from being Cinderella because we treat her like a princess.

I can only hope that this relationship survives all the nastiness being thrown at it by a jealous and petty individual too selfish to see that her daughter deserves a life of her own and to be happy with her choices.

And I know that’s turned into a bit of a rant but that’s what happens when I need to vent my frustrations. Ryan, on the other hand, just does what he’s done tonight… fall asleep halfway through his dinner!

I had intended to publish this post yesterday but I had a message from B and I guessed she’d want to talk. So I took some time out to have a chat with her and I’m glad I did. She was, understandably, upset at what her mother had said to her and probably just as, if not more so, upset that she hadn’t had an apology for the nasty words. We had a long chat about all sorts of things and after about an hour and a half she was getting tired so we said our goodnights. I collected the dinner things, including Ryan’s still half eaten meal and went to the kitchen to make his lunch for work tomorrow. That is, until I realised I didn’t have enough bread. I was going to get some out of the freezer when I heard Ryan moving about so I got him to get it for me and I’ll do the sandwiches in a little while. Then fed the cats and sorted out more laundry. Ryan then headed to bed and I came back to finish this post. Only, as it’s already an epic, I think I’ll just draft another post for tomorrow – or later. I don’t know yet. It’s been one of those days.

* After our chat this evening, I’ve found out some things and apparently it’s me that’s controlling – I just laughed, I can hardly control myself let alone anyone else. And the things I found out about the living conditions would make you cringe. Definitely best if I don’t come face to face with J for a long while yet.

I’ve been home alone for half the week. Well, I say alone but really I have the cats for company. If only they wouldn’t fight so much it’d be bliss. Still, cat refereeing is one of those jobs I have plenty of practice in now.

Ryan spent a couple of days and nights at his girlfriend’s house. I can’t decide whether her parents actually like him or not, given some of the things I’ve been hearing about them. That’s a whole other story.

Ryan and B came home today and casually informed me that they’d got engaged. Now, that is pretty quick even by my standards but then, I know Ryan well enough to know that he knows what he’s doing. I do feel their hands were rather forced by overly religious parenting and it’s quite hypocritical at that. That is just my opinion going by what I’ve been told.

Either way, it appears I may be gaining a daughter-in-law and, who knows, I might end up being a granny after all… we shall wait and see.

In other news, I sorted out my car insurance a couple of days ago because Ryan was on mine as a learner. Since he’d passed last year, he hasn’t driven my car – nor have I much since it was off the road for so long. Anyway, I had three options… a new policy which I would have to pay in one hit up front (no can do), a black box policy (no thank you very much) or a premium rise on my current policy. We’ve had to opt for this one otherwise Ryan isn’t able to drive my car. This rather defeats the object of having a second car anyway. The only other option was to remove him from my insurance but since this was still going to cost me an increased premium, and with no benefit to me or Ryan whatsoever, we had to go with the current policy change… at an excruciating cost of double what I was already paying and, because we’re already into the year since renewal, it means that the increase has to be spread over the rest of the policy term (until September). This means a monthly increase of almost 300% for the rest of the year – otherwise known as £140 per month for the next 7 months. When renewal time rolls around, I’m willing to bet it still won’t be any better. Crazy prices.

I still need to find out from a main dealer exactly what colour my car is, as we’re thinking that the easiest option to cover the damage at the moment is just to get some touch up paint and do a bodge job for now. Just need to keep the weather out of it as it’s down to the metal in places. Still so unbelievably annoyed by this!

The weather doesn’t know what to be at either. I know yesterday was Groundhog Day but I haven’t seen anything on the outcome yet. Probably the same as usual. It is chilly this evening though.

I’ve been spending my time doing crochet projects, I’ve worked on at least three different ones this week so far. I have got my sewing out at the moment though, as Ryan’s girlfriend does a bit of sewing too and has brought some things with her to work on. It’ll be fun having someone to craft with. I’m looking forward to it. And at least it means that Ryan will be able to spend time on his computer, knowing he’s not just ignoring his young lady.

They’re staying here tonight but none of us have any idea what the plans are for tomorrow so I’m guessing it’s just a wait and see effort again. That’s fine by me since I don’t even know what time I’m likely to be going to bed. I am a bit tired but I’m also concerned about Mia, our little cat who normally resides in the bathroom. She’s terrified of everyone except me and, occasionally, Ryan. When they came home, Mia ran out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. The problem here being that most of the other cats are in here too so she’s hiding right in the back of the airing cupboard where I can neither see nor hear her. If she doesn’t come out at bedtime then we’ll have to put her food and whatnot in here so that when all the others have gone out, she’ll hopefully come out and feel safe – or at least safer…

I’m sure there was more I was going to write about but the slightly shocking announcement of the engagement took me by complete surprise and it’s kind of thrown me off a bit. But I am happy for them. B looks after my son which is great. And he looks after her because that’s the way he is. So the future looks a little bit rosy for the foreseeable. Metaphorical champagne celebrations all round! Cheers 😄